Too Normal
by lazywriter123
Summary: What if the gand wan't an elite team of FBI agents. This is the group as normal people. See Drama, Romance, Action and ALOT of Humor.
1. Chapter 1

The inspiration for this story basically came from nowhere. This is BAU team, not as FBI agents, but as normal people with different interests and ideas. They are still awesome friends. This is kind of like friends meets Fooly Cooly (FLCL). Hope you all like it.

I don't own Criminal Minds

Enjoy

It was a peaceful day at work, thought Morgan. He walked in to see his co-worker Jeff, drinking an energy drink. Morgan worked as a fitness instructor and as a nutritionist. Basically helping people getting in shape. His customers were manly chatty soccer moms or stuck-up rich people. Despite that, Morgan like working there, it paid pretty well and he gets to workout at the gym for free.

"So Derek, I saw this HOT, rich lady come in for your s_ervices_" said Jeff with a giggled.

"Oh come of it. You sound like a pervert when you talk like that."

"Yeah but the only reason you get so many female clients is because you're like a roman god."

Derek laughed, "Yet most of them are married or divorced. I'm still a bachelor after all."

"Yeah…so personally…I think you dig Penelope."

Derek's eyes bugged out. "Man, we've been friends since we were kids that's too awkward."

Jeff rolled his eyes, "I see the way you look at her. She's smart, funny and an awesome person. I think you guys are a match made in heaven."

Derek laughed, "Come on Jeff, we have appointments in ten minutes let's get ready for the day."

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Hotch got out of bed and started to make some breakfast, then he heard the phone going off.

"Hello"

"AARON, I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING."

Aaron stumbled back from the loud voice on the phone.

"Emily, I like having my ears not to bleed, thank you."

"Sorry, but my sister is making me plan her wedding and so far it's a disaster. Her demands are almost impossible. She wants the _Girls like Boys _band to play at her wedding. Do you have any idea how expensive that is?"

"Emily she's just having a major bridzilla moment. Just let it pass and rational thought will set in."

"Fine…anyway what should the bride's maids dresses color should be."

"…Well it's a spring wedding so maybe a light green or something cheerful."

"Great idea thanks. See you tonight, the rest of the gang is coming right?"

"Yep at Ben's restaurant."

"Great, bye."

Aaron hung up the phone, "I'm never getting married" thought Hotch.

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Rossi was at the market with his grandfather. Then his cell phone rang.

"Hello."

"Dave…its Spencer."

"Hey Spencer, what's up?"

"Did I lend you my book on the history of Italian cooking?"

"Oh yeah, you gave it to me a week ago do you need it soon."

"Yeah, I'm teaching the class in two days on Italian history so I thought I would add in some stuff on the food. I swear all these kids do is drink and party."

"That's college kids Spencer. I remember hardly going to class when I was a teenager."

Suddenly Dave's grandfather hit him with his cane.

"Oww…what was that for Granddad?"

"You kids and your stupid technology, when I was kid we would send letter and talk in person. I swear one day…"

"Granddad, if I got you some whiskey for when we get home would you feel better?"

"…Yes, yes I would."

Dave went back to talking on his cell.

"The best way to his heart is booze."

Spencer chuckled "Well anyway I'll see you tonight at Ben's."

"Yep, Bye Spencer."

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I'll have the rest of the gang in the next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Criminal Minds

Enjoy

JJ was with Will and Henry at the mall. Henry needed some new clothes since most of them have been stained or ruined that's to a certain rambunctious rug-rat. The mall was packed and it took forever to find a sales person to find some clothes in Henry's size.

Then JJ phone rang, "Hello."

"Hey JJ, its Penny."

"Oh hey Penelope, what's up?"

"Not much, listen I need to ask you for a favor."

"What kind of favor?"

"Well…you know I have a major crush on Derek…so I'm kind of stuck on how to tell him…"

"Penny, just tell him…he's an awesome guy and I know you'll be good as a couple."

"I know but I need that special moment to tell him. So it's not awkward but romantic."

"Well just take him outside at Ben's and tell him. It's kind of nice and private."

"Well…alright. You should be right after all you got yourself a husband."

JJ laughed, "Alright see you at Ben's."

"Later."

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That evening, JJ and Hotch got to the restaurant first and got a table for seven. The place was casual with some nice radio music in the background.

"So any way Aaron, we finally got Henry a nice little pair of pants and some nice shirts. We got to the front of the line but some woman on a cell phone cuts right in front of us and demands to give them a refund for a baby jumpsuit she got last week. The cashier tried to tell her that she had to go to the end of the line but she couldn't get a word in edgewise. So Will, walked up to her and basically told her off, he was like, "What that hell is wrong with you, I've been waiting for almost twenty minutes with my family to get my son some clothes and you butt in thinking you're so high in mighty." After that the woman ran away crying, Will was shocked and embarrassed but the people in the store were so happy that she left."

Aaron laughed, "Crazy rich moms think they know everything."

"God I know it's so annoying."

Suddenly Reid and Rossi come in.

"Hey guys it's good to see ya" said Rossi.

They all hugged and sat at the table.

"So Spencer how's your classes" asked Aaron.

"Not bad so far, I'm teaching four classes right now as you know. Three of them are fine, they do the work. But one of them are extremely rowdy and don't do the work."

"How so" asked JJ.

"Well they come in drunk or on drugs. I never see them doing that but I can easily tell their under the influence of one or both. I called the dean about it and he told me that he would look into the cases about those students that are coming in high on a constant basis. They will most likely get expelled if they don't wise up."

"You know it amazes me that these kids parents are spending thousands of dollars on college and all these students do is drink, party, use drugs, and have sex" said Dave.

"Well not all of them. Most do good work" said Spencer.

"By the way Spencer, you told me you're having a family reunion in two weeks."

Spencer rolled his eyes, "Yeah it's my turn to host it."

"You're not too happy about it" asked JJ.

"Well my family isn't really close and it's my Aunt Jenny that makes us come together usually."

"It can't be that bad" said Aaron.

"Oh really, you should see, my grandmother. She kept trying to eat my cousin's cat last year."

Everyone stared at him. "Why?"

"Well my grandmother was a nurse in Vietnam, there was a small bomb thrown near her and the shock wave and all, damaged part of her brain. She has mild delusions and thinks she's a different character every once in a while. Once she thought she was Michel Jordan. Don't ask how that went."

Penelope, Emily and Derek came into the restaurant.

"Well it took you guys long enough" said JJ.

"Sorry guys I had to call my sister's chef for the wedding. He is such a pompous ass but my sister said to keep him. God I wish this wedding was over already" said Emily with a sigh.

Everyone laughed, and then the waiter came over.

"Can we get a round of beer for the table to start" said Morgan.

The group cheered, "Yay beers on Derek."

After everyone got their beers they ordered their food.

"Hey Derek can I talk to you about something outside" said Penelope.

Derek smiled, "Sure baby-girl."

They walked outside of the restaurant.

"Derek, I want to tell you that…"

Suddenly a man ran up to her and swiped her purse.

"My purse!"

Penelope and Derek started to chase the man.

"Come back here you asshole" shouted Garcia.

Penny ran so fast that Derek swore she was like wonder woman and Flash combined.

Finally Penny caught up to the man and beat the living shit out of him.

She got her purse and the man ran away.

"You crazy bitch" he screamed.

"KEEP RUNNING OR I'LL BREAK YOUR OTHER LEG."

The man scrambled away as fast as he could.

"Wow, baby-girl, that was amazing. I didn't know you could fight like that."

Garcia turned to him, "Derek I like you. I have for a while now."

Derek blinked then he smiled. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her gently.

They walked back to the restaurant, hand in hand.

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	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Criminal Minds

Enjoy

When Morgan and Garcia got back to the restaurant they rest of the gang noticed that they were holding hands.

"It's about damn time" said Rossi with a snort.

The others laughed when they saw Garcia blush.

"Aww…remember Garcia I call dibs on being the maid of honor" said Emily.

"HEY, who said you can be the maid of honor" said JJ.

"Well for one, I would look way better in the dress."

JJ snorted, "Please…I would rock any outfit."

Garcia giggled, "If you keep fighting over it, I'll have Spencer be the maid of honor."

Spencer blushed, "WHAT, why me?"

"Oh honey, who would not want to see you in a dress" said Garcia.

The group was silent then Emily and JJ raised their hands.

"God…why am I not surprised" said Aaron.

They started to laugh loudly again as the waiter brought over more beer.

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Rossi woke up with a terrible hangover.

"God…when will the alcohol finally kill me?"

Rossi stumbled into the kitchen to make some coffee, he saw Hotch sleeping at the kitchen table.

Rossi snorted and walked up to him. He pushed Hotch over and he fell to the floor with a thump. Hotch got up and was wicked pissed.

"WHAT THE HELL DAVE?"

Rossi winced and held his head, "Aaron…you can kick my ass after the hangover, ok."

Aaron got back in his seat and held his head. "Way too much beer."

"Remember last week…we all got so drunk that you, me and Derek woke up in a Chucky-Cheese with two women and their baby boy."

"Yeah, but they were pretty nice, we had breakfast in their condo when we all woke up. They served us waffles" said Aaron.

Rossi stared at him, "They robbed us Aaron."

"Well we hardly had any money on us anyway, I only had twenty bucks."

Rossi sighed and got two coffee cups out of the cabinet.

"This day is going to drag on. I just know it."

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Spencer was teaching his class when he noticed another student stumbling in stone drunk.

Spencer sighed, "Frank…just take a seat and be quiet."

"Sure…Dr. Reid…I see stars."

"ANYWAY, your test will be next week on the Italy during World War I and II. It will be mostly essay based so study hard and remember the material well. I'll have tutoring hours all this week if you need help."

The class was dismissed and Spencer went to his office to continue grading papers. He sat at his desk working for about twenty minutes when he heard someone knocking at the door.

"Come in."

A woman that looked about Spencer's age, with brown hair, blue eyes, rosy cheeks and a beautiful figure, walked into the office. Spencer had a lump in his throat when he saw her.

"Hello, may I help you with something?"

"Yes…I'm a new teacher that the school. I work for the History department. I'm a bit lost; can you show me to the Dean's office so I could get my paperwork set up?"

"Of…course…I'll help you get there."

Spencer walked side by side as they walked across campus to the Dean's office. The whole time, she asked him questions about the campus. Spencer answered quickly and rambled a bit but he managed to shut himself up. His experiences with women are hardly adequate. He never really had a "girlfriend."

When they got to the office, Spencer glanced at his watch and noticed it was time to get to his next class.

"I…um…have a class to go to…so here is the office."

She giggled, "You're pretty charming, Mr.…"

"Oh, I'm Spencer Reid."

"I'm Dorothy, nice to meet you" she said with a grin.

She walked into the office and Spencer rushed to get to his class, it was on the other side of campus.

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Morgan and Reid were at the gym later that day and Reid told him about Dorothy."

"Man, you have to ask her out" said Morgan.

"I would love to but I get so tongue tied with women."

"Spencer, you talk to Penny and JJ just fine and their women."

"Yeah but there my friends I've known for years. This is a woman who made my heart skip a beat the moment I saw her."

"Then…ASK HER OUT."

"Fine...I'll think of something."

"God Spencer…you're so stubborn."

They laughed, "Oh Spencer, when is your family reunion?"

"In a couple of days…are you sure you guys want to come?"

"You kidding I would love to see where you got your genius from."

"Ok…but watch out for Grandma."

"Why?"

"It's best if I tell you later when you meet her."

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_Next time: More of Garcia and Morgan, a family reunion of the Reid's, and Emily's battle with her bridezilla sister. Plus hangovers of hotch and Rossi. _


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Criminal Minds

Enjoy

Spencer was in the kitchen cooking, while Derek came over to help him set up the dining room for Spencer's family reunion.

"God… I had to be the one to host this year" Spencer snared.

"Hey man, it's just a dinner, how bad can it be?"

"Derek you DON'T know my family."

Derek laughed as Spencer snorted again, "Is your dad coming" asked Derek.

Spencer sighed, "I don't know…I haven't spoken to him in years…we always invite him but he never shows up. So it's safe to say most likely not."

"Spencer, don't you want to have a relationship with your father. I was so happy when I hung out with my dad before he died."

Spencer stopped cooking and went to sit down at the kitchen table, he sighed again.

"Derek…I never had a dad. I hardly know what it is like to have one. He left my mom and me when I was ten. Even thought my mom got out of the sanitarium and know is like any normal person…he still never came back."

Derek stared at Spencer with said eyes for a moment and then sighed, "Well…maybe this year will be different. Come on man; let's get this dinner ready for tonight."

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The group was sitting in the living room waiting for Spencer's relatives to arrive. A total of fourteen are coming, not including Spencer's friends. Spencer was pacing and biting his nails.

"Spencer, just relax ok" said Emily.

Then there was a knock at the door. Spencer went to open it and there was an elderly couple at the door.

"Grandma, Grandpa. It's so good to see you guys."

Grandma kissed Spencer's cheek and pinched his other cheek. "Aww my little Spencer. You're as cute as a button."

"Mary stop babying him. He's a grown man" snarled Grandpa.

"Harry, I this close to kicking your fat ass back to Florida if you don't shut it" yelled Grandma.

She turned back to Spencer, "It's so nice to get the family together again."

They walked in and sat down on the couch, they quietly bickered again. Morgan went over to Spencer, "I thought your Grandma had…issues, no offence."

"None taken, this is my grandma on my father's side; it's my mom's mother that was in Vietnam."

The door bell rang again.

At the door was a young man (around Spencer's age) in a tight black shirt, jeans, his hair was in a Mohawk with green highlights, a chain around his neck with several other necklaces, and black combat boots.

"Hi Cousin Jimmy. Was your flight her ok?"

"Yeah, but my mom is having a…episode…again."

"Oh really what is it this time."

"A kid sneezed on her and no she thinks she has been infected the swine flu."

The group stared at them for a moment. "My mom is a major germ-phobic."

Suddenly a woman with a box of disinfectant wipes and rubber gloves rushes in and shuts the door. "Spencer don't leave the door open so long. The demon germs will get in that way."

She walked in and wiped a chair until the paint almost came off then sat down.

After about five minutes, the door bell rang again. A man came in and looked at Spencer.

"Your thin Spencer… you need to eat something once in a while."

"Nice to see you too Uncle Eddy."

"Spencer, why didn't you become a lawyer? You can draw circles around anyone in court with your brain."

"Uncle Eddy, we've been over this. I love my job."

"A job that pays poorly and you can get killed at anytime."

Spencer sighed, "Let's not talk about this and enjoy the dinner."

The man walked in and sat down. The door bell rang and an old woman came in.

"Grammy, how are you."

The woman killed Spencer and looked over at his friends, When she saw Hotch she panicked, "The governments come to take me back to Nam."

Spencer stopped her and hugged her, "Grammy we have been over this. This is Hotch, he is my friend."

She looked at him, "But look at his eyes, he's on pot like the other people in that damned battle front."

"Come on Grandma, I'll get you some tea with a raspberry scone."

"That would be lovely."

Spencer walked her into the kitchen.

Garcia sighed, "We still have eight people left to meet."

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	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Criminal Minds

Enjoy

"SPENCER, TELL YOU GRANDPA THAT'S HE'S THE ONE WHO IS ACTING LIKE A CHILD."

Spencer hung his head in defeat, "Please…can we have one dinner, without yelling and fighting?"

Spencer's teammates sat at the way end of the table, as far away from Spencer's family as they can get.

Uncle Eddy still kept telling Spencer to become a lawyer and Jimmy's mom, Aunt Betty, kept spraying her food with disinfectant.

"Aunt Betty if you keep doing that, you'll ruin your food" said Spencer.

"I would rather eat poison then have those…horrible…GERMS roaming in my stomach."

Spencer sighed and started to eat the green beans he made.

Suddenly Grandma got up and ran into the kitchen. Spencer chased after her. He came back in hold his grandma by her sweater.

They gave him a weird look until Spencer finally answered, "She was trying to escape again. She thinks Aaron was going to send her back to Vietnam."

When she was back in her seat she looked over at Penelope. "Back in the war, I had to eat cats for lunch. They tasted great with a little salt, pepper and thyme if you had any."

Everyone put down their forks, "Thank you for the lovely mental image" said Grandpa with a sneer.

"Anytime."

They managed to eat for a while longer; the silence was eerie to say the least.

Suddenly, Derek sneezed and Aunt Betty screamed. "GERMS!" She got up and attacked him with disinfectant spray and wipes. "SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME" shouted Derek. Penny and JJ helped get Aunt Betty off of him and she ran to the bathroom. The sound of running water and scrubbing could be heard from outside the bathroom.

Finally dinner was over and Spencer's family left. Spencer's friends stared at him for a moment.

"Spencer…you have the weirdest family…but at least they're not boring like my relatives" said Aaron with a smile.

Spence laughed, "Yeah but the dinner went better than I expected. At least Grandma didn't try to eat a cat or something."

They all laughed and decided to call it a night, a dinner with the Reid family is enough excitement for one evening.

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Aaron was sitting in his living room after a long day at work. He was watching TV and drinking a glass of scotch, when he heard his cell phone ringing. He picked it up.

"Hello?"

"AARON, I NEED HELP."

It took a minute for Aaron to recover from the temporary hearing lose. "Emily, please no more creaming on the phone."

"I'm so sorry Aaron, this wedding planning is just too much and my sister is once again being difficult. She wants caviar at her wedding for all 134 people that are going to be there. There is no way that the budget could fit that. Not by a long shot."

Aaron sighed, he knew that Emily was under so much stress because of her sister and it was clearly not fair.

"Hey Emily, why don't I come over tomorrow and help you with the wedding plans?"

"Really Aaron, oh thank you so much! I'll see you tomorrow."

Aaron put down the phone and smiled.

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JJ and Penny were out and about after spending some time shopping. "So she ended up not only finding out that he was cheating, but that he was cheating with her best friend" said Penelope.

"No way really? That's some serious drama" said JJ with a chuckle.

"Yeah she was so heartbroken but after a year she met this nice guy and ended up getting married. She now has two sons."

"Aww that's sweet."

"Yeah, how's little Henry?"

"Oh he is fine, getting bigger every day."

Penelope laughed, "I can imagine myself with little bundles of joy someday."

"Derek would probably want kids too" said JJ.

"Yeah…we went on a date yesterday."

"Oh how did it go" said JJ with a wink. "How did you think it went?"

JJ gasped, "Penelope!"

"What" she said with a smirk.

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Meanwhile at the college, Spencer was getting ready to leave his office when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in."

In came Dorothy, who he had become good friends with in the past two months.

"Hey Dorothy, what's up?"

She walked up to him and gave a big smile, "I was wondering Dr. Reid if you would like to have dinner with me."

Spencer nearly fainted when she put her hands on his chest and kissed him.

"I would love too" he squeaked out like a 14-year-old girl.

"You're so cute. Let's go to the little café down the road from here."

Spencer could only nod and then smile.

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